


Outdoors

by Lunarshrooms



Category: Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Again, And Guy Is Still Falling For It, Breeding Kink, CHEF BOYARDEE BEEFARONI, Chef Boyardee - Freeform, Comedy, Fluffy, Food, Food Kink, Im All About That Life Sorry Yo, Inside Jokes That Were Inspired By My Friend, M/M, Orgasms, Porn With Plot, Ridiculous Plot But Still Plot, Sam Is Still Flirting, Sex Outdoors, Spicy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, you fucking heard me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23324287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarshrooms/pseuds/Lunarshrooms
Summary: Just some really self indulgent porn with ridiculous plot thrown to the mix!
Relationships: Sam I am/Guy Am I
Kudos: 4





	Outdoors

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

“Haaay baby, ya like jazz~?” Sam asked in his most seductive voice. Putting one of his legs over the other, trying to be smooth.

Sitting next to him, Guy had his arms crossed. He slipped his eyes from the night sky to his husband and huffed.

“Has it even remotely occurred to you that I might not be in the mood for this?” The Knox asked, annoyance lacing his every word.

“Oh come on honey~ It’s a beautiful night! Let’s enjoy being under the stars together~” The smaller man said scooching closer to his wife and gesturing to the sky above, watching the bright balls of light flicker.

Though in the midst of all those twinkling stars, the full moon was shining the brightest, as it’s soft golden colors lead down to the earth below, it left a natural glow in its wake.

Guy sighed and took a calming breath, feeling the night air, cool and crisp, blow through his fur. Before smiling softly.

“It is pretty... I just wish we could have gotten a room instead of sleeping on the cold hard ground.” Guy said, pressing his palm into his lower back.

Sam frowned and got on his knees, before shuffling himself over to be as close to the Knox as possible. Taking one of his hands into both of his own.

“What if we make this night worth while~ have you ever made love under the stars~?” Sam asked, wiggling his brows in a comedic manner.

Guy smirked, hiding his face to conceal his expression.

“There’s that smile, c’mon what’d ya say~?” The little man pressed, sticking his face into the crook of the other’s auburn neck and nuzzling it softly. All the while allowing his hands to roam his wife’s arm.

Guy couldn’t help but giggle as Sam’s face tickled his nape.

“You’re such a goofball! Maybe... it would help to let loose a little... okay.” The Knox replied, biting his bottom lip.

Sam took that as his time to shine.

He shifted around to position himself in between Guy’s thighs, feeling as the Knox eagerly wrapped his legs around his hips.

Sam pushed on Guy’s chest gently, signaling for him to lay back and relax.

The taller of the two allowed himself to fall flat on the soft blue tinted grass, still making eye contact with Sam as he did so.

The seen below him made Sam’s heart drum in his chest, his wife looked absolutely stunning underneath the gentle luminously of the moon’s rays. 

And honestly?

It was *hot*.

“I’m gonna make you feel beautiful~” Sam purred, placing his head just below Guy’s navel before gingerly planting small kisses leading up to the Knox’s chest.

Guy shivered at the contact, before inhaling sharply when Sam suddenly took one of his nipples in his mouth and sucked on it hard. Circling and flicking the area with his tongue before pulling away, leaving a thin trail of saliva that connected to his mouth.

Guy flushed hard as he watched Sam do this, they didn’t even get that far into it and he’s already getting extremely heated from it.

The short man thought it was very very attractive to see the other react so much early on.

Sam gave a smooch to Guy’s cheek and then winked at him. Before disappearing between his wife’s legs, sending a shiver up Guy’s spine at the anticipation of that skilled tongue on his sensitive sex.

He let out a small whimper as he felt that slippery appendage graze the slit of his entrance, and slide past his folds.

“O-oh Sam... don’t stop...”

At that his husband took the entirety of his tongue and shoved it inside the quivering and sopping wet curtains of Guy’s vaginal canal. Before waging it up and down, trying to touch every square inch of that glorious pussy.

Guy curled his toes arched his back, pressing his head against the grassy ground.

But suddenly Sam pulled away, the brisk air dancing on his bearded oyster could have made him cry.

Guy looked up in question but then concern.

“Is everything alright? Why did you stop?” The Knox asked, reaching his hand over to Sam’s.

Sam smiled and sighed.

“Yeah babycakes, I’ll be fine. It’s just... you know what would have made this night even more perfect?” The shorter man asked.

Guy furrowed his brows.

“What?” His wife asked.

“Some beefaroni...” Sam stated sadly.

“What.” The Knox said.

“Don’t get me wrong babe! I could live off your pussy, but... Beefaroni’s just so good.” Sam laughed, hoping his lover would understand the need to eat that beefy macaroni from Chef Boyardee.

Guy could only sit there in silence.

“Thinkin’ about that can in the commercial spinning down the freeway, oh it gets me hot.” Sam went on.

The Knox squinted in disbelief and absolute confusion.

“*what*? Why is that hot??” Guy asked, about to loose it.

“Well it all started when I was living at the orphanage, y’see back at that time all we had to eat was chef Boyardee beefaronee! And on our small 80s tv played one commercial! Chef Boyardee beefaroni. And that’s why to this day I can’t get enough of the stuff, and every time I eat it I’m left in extacy.” Sam monologued.

“So what your telling me is, in a way. Beefaroni is an aphrodisiac to you?” The other asked, having a hard time giving a damn because he just wanted to be plowed.

“Yes indeedally doodley!” His husband agreed.

“Okay... Well if we go to the store and buy some would you fuck me?” Guy said.

Sam gave a wide grin at that.

**—————————————————**

As the couple were walking in the dead of night on the side of the road, they found the place they’ve been looking for.

The convent store’s light seeped through the large panels of glass that made up most of it’s front, and a neon sign of blue and red flickered, signaling that it was open.

The sight of it almost brought the tiny man at his side to his knees.

Sam then rushed to the door, but not without opening it and motioning for his wife to go first, along with having a flirtatious look on his face.

Guy rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smirk at his ridiculous husband.

The Knox moved over to the opening, then brushed his hand lightly on the others cheek before going in.

Sam tried to make the contact last as long as he could, face tingling at his fur was being messed with. Then with a half lidded expression he followed after.

“Welcome to seven eleven...” A teen deadpanned, popping their bubble gum and flipping the page from their people’s magazine.

Sam and Guy both walked past the counter and down the can goods aisle.

“Okay, get your yipping Chef Boyardee so we can go.” The Knox said, crossing his arms.

“Okay! Hmmm, should I get classic or spicy??” The other asked, lifting up both cans.

“Whichever one gets us out of here faster...” He sighed.

“Both it is!”

Guy facepalmed and handed Sam his wallet.

“Just go pay for it, I have to go to the bathroom...”

“Right on, I’ll wait for ya honeypot!” Sam winked, then zoomed to the cash register.

**—————————————————**

Stepping out of the store, Guy stopped when he saw Sam with three bags.

“What the hell else did you buy???” The Knox yelled.

“Just some green eggs and ham!” Sam stated.

“Of course...”

“Oh! And some of those adorable bracelets they sell up front! These ones are ham shaped, aren’t they cute~” Sam mused, grabbing a handful of said bracelets from the bag and showing them off to his wife.

“There has to be at least thirty in here! Why did you buy so many?!” Guy cried.

“So we could both wear them! Cause you would look adorable~” Sam smiled.

“Give me my wallet Sam.” Guy asked, then took it when it was offered to him.

Opening it up he found a moth fly out of it, and upon looking inside he found absolutely nothing.

“We don’t have a single bruckle left! How are we going to pay for our train ride to lilystone town tomorrow???” Guy yelled, putting his wallet away and looking at his husband. Expecting an answer to their dilemma.

“Oh it’ll be fine! I’ve got everything under control, I’ll take care of everything no worries!” Sam brushed it off like he usually does when it comes to finances, all the while putting on some of the little bracelets over his forearms.

Guy sighed and went against his better judgment.

“Fine fine...” The Knox said, then walked next to the smaller man and put a finger below the other’s chin and started to rub the area.

It made Sam drop the bags and jewelry in shock, but then purr at the sensualness of it all.

“Don’t keep me waiting any longer lover boy~” Guy whispered gently, before taking his leave expecting Sam to follow.

Which of course he did, not before picking up the stuff he bought first.

As they were walking away, a black and white cat in a red and white stripped hat was walking onto the premises, he had a large rifle in his hands and a malicious grin on his face.

The two were lucky they left when they did, it was a real bloodbath.

**—————————————————**

When they got back Guy couldn’t stand it anymore, he was this close to fucking himself on that dick. But Sam, god bless his dumb little soul, had other ideas.

“Mmm! I can’t wait to eat this Beefaroni, it’s been years!” The little man said, putting the bags down and rummaged through one of them.

Once he found it he took out his pocket knife and opened the top, before shoving the can in his mouth and sucked out that beefy goodness.

His wife was absolutely disgusted by this, how could he eat it without heating it up first? And with a spoon no less!

After a minute or two of nothing but chewing sounds the smaller man removed the can from his face with a pop and took a look inside to make sure there was none left, it was licked clean (like Guy’s pussy should have been) so he put it back in the bag to dispose of later. He learned the hard way not to just throw things away all willy nilly, but that’s a story for another day.

“Alright! Let’s get this show on the road~” Sam said, trying to be sexy again.

He went to kiss the other but was stopped by a pare of auburn hands.

“Could you please wash your face first?” Guy asked.

Sam blinked before scraping a thumb over his cheek and looking at it. There was a goblet of sticky meat sauce dripping down his digit, he then put said thumb in his mouth to clean it off.

“Right!” Sam said. Then walked over to the small pond that’s been there the whole time I swear it, and stuck his face into the cold water.

After a good scrub session he stood up and walked back over, shaking his head to dry off.

Guy shielded his face from the wrath of his husband’s rapid movement and the water that threatened to soak him.

Then looked down, and saw Sam as he was lying front first with a smug expression on his face.

“So~ Can I make sweet love to you now~?” Sam asked coyly.

Guy sighed and stared at Sam.

“It’s all I’ve been wanting you to do all night you nut!” His wife replied, smiling softly at him.

Sam beamed back and then started petting the Knox’s thigh, allowing his hand to wander in between.

Guy bit his lip and spread his legs open enough to let Sam’s hand passed, feeling a spike of pleasure run through him as his husband delicately ran his fingers around the mound of his labia.

But couldn’t help but grow rather annoyed when he didn’t feel those slender digits ram his pussy yet.

“Sam please... I can’t take your teasing anymore...” The Knox moaned, taking his own hand and groping around his husband semi unsheathed cock, and letting his palm kneed into it.

This made Sam squeak at the sudden touch, but it was definitely not an unwelcome one.

His member was pretty big for his size, and as he would constantly point out to people who thought otherwise, he is in fact a grower not a shower.

And surprisingly Guy would always look proud that he was hitting that.

Sam groaned when Guy thumbed at his tip, having a hard time keeping his composure and not just nail his wife then and there.

“You don’t heh, want me to wine and dine ya first there babe~?” The short man asked, stumbling over his words as he looked down at those beautiful hands pumping his dick.

“N- no...” Guy huffed, moving his hips to get more friction.

Sam was almost convinced but decided against it.

“A- at least let me lube you up first peach, I don’t wanna hurt you~” Sam said, taking his hat off to go through it in search for the bottle of lubricant.

“Uh oh...” Sam said suddenly.

“Oh god... there is no more is there?” Guy spoke, done as hell at this point.

Sam looked up and laughed awkwardly.

“Great, that’s just great...” His wife said, then collapsed onto the ground.

Sam sat there for a minute before his eyes lit up with an idea.

“Hay... what if we used something else~?” Sam asked.

Guy looked over and sighed.

“If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, it better not be...” The Knox deadpanned.

Sam got up and zoomed over to the bags that he left near the pond and took out what he’d been thinking about.

He’ll give you a guess, it’s green white and full of protein!

“Oh for the love of god!” Guy said exasperated. Taking one glimpse and rolling his eyes.

“Come on baby! How do you know it won’t work if we never try it???” His husband said, shuffling back over with the tray of eggs in his hand.

Guy sat up, looking very hesitant.

“Yeah but does it HAVE to be this..?” The Knox asked looking at the eggs, unable to fathom how the green yolk would feel inside of himself.

“Well... what else could we use?” Sam asked, genuinely wondering.

Guy sat their for a second, before shuttering. He did not want that much saliva in his hooha.

“Oh, alright. Just, don’t use to much...” Guy said, getting into position and awaited his end.

Sam nodded and got closer, before sticking a finger over his head and into the center of the green egg. Trying to be as sexy as he could to try and get his wife to think so too.

Guy just pinched his fingers in between his nose.

But Sam wasn’t going to give in that easily, so he coated his fingers in the slippery yolk and put them to his wife’s entrance.

“Trust me babe, this is gonna be so good!” Sam said.

Then with a wink he slipped his fingers past the Knox’s folds, and let the canal adjust to the sudden intrusion.

Guy tried hard not to moan but faltered. It, actually felt kind of good he wasn’t going to lie...

Across from him Sam began pushing his digits in slowly, sweet and gentle.

Guy began to flush hard at the way his husband pumped those skilled fingers in and out of him, it made his belly pool with a warm tingly feeling.

“Oh my love don’t stop~” Guy whimpered, grinding himself on his husband’s lean appendages.

Sam did so at his wife’s command, and started shoving them in faster.

Every last plunge landed on his special spot, and it left him only wanting more. What fingers couldn’t do.

“Sammy please! I can’t take it anymore, I need you in me stat!” Guy cried, lifting himself up and wrapping his arms around Sam’s neck.

“Yes sir!” Sam smiled, saluting.

Then took his fingers out, and curled them around his shaft, it was already fully erect and ready for some fucking.

He aimed and pressed the tip of against his wife’s hot entrance, before slipping it in slowly.

Once in to the hilt, Sam waited for the other’s body to adjust before thrusting back.

Guy wrapped his legs around his husband’s back and tightened his grip.

“Oh faster, please!” The Knox gasped, biting his lower lip to stifle his screams of pleasure.

At that Sam began to pick up the pace, each pound harder a greater than the last.

“Oh yes yes yes! Don’t stop!!” Guy cried out, his hands gripped the smaller man’s back rigidly. That would leave some trophy marks in the morning~

“WE MAKIN’ BABIES TONIGHT BABE!” Sam hollered, not really realizing what he said as he continued railing his wife.

“Oh yeah~?” Guy asked, egging (pun intended) his husband on.

“Ohhh yeah~ I’m gonna fill you up with so much of my spunk you’ll be having triplets!” Sam whimpered, before taking both his hands and planting them firmly over the Knox’s rear.

“T-then do it~ Take me, breed me, and m... make me yours!” Guy said, panting.

Sam could have came right then and there but tried to hold it off just a little bit longer to get his wife off first.

A few seconds later he felt a spur of warm clear liquid trickle down his shaft and collect at the base of his balls.

“Yes! Oh yesyesyes!!!” Guy gasped. Shifting to lay on his back, collapsing in shear extacy.

“Ohhh yeahhh~” Sam bellowed, mimicking the coolaid man as he was sent to the edge. His hot seed shooting out of his cock and pooling inside the Knox’s cooter.

The last of his energy spent the shorter man fell on top of his wife and hummed in contentment.

A few minutes passed before Guy had the the strength to speak again.

“That was... wonderful...” He whispered, voice filled with pleasure.

“I’m so glad it was as good for you as it was with me~” Sam said, nuzzling his face into the others white mane.

“It was..~” Guy said, before furrowing his brows in thought.

“Um, all that stuff back there... I hope we can hold off having kids until AFTER we find your mom...” He finished, blushing.

“Oh yeah, I agree completely! I’m sure nothing will happen from this, besides~ How powerful can my sperm actually be?” Sam replied, laughing it off.

**Author's Note:**

> If you somehow made it to the end I applaud you.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
